


He Was Never My Friend

by princessmera



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-18 03:07:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21520858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessmera/pseuds/princessmera
Summary: Four times justin needed bryce and the one time he didn't - An exploration of the tragedy of justin's childhood and how bryce's friendship managed to both save and ruin his life.
Relationships: Jessica Davis/Justin Foley, Justin Foley/Bryce Walker
Comments: 6
Kudos: 58





	He Was Never My Friend

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: if i owned this show i wouldn't be writing this now would i?  
> don't mind me, just a basic bitch who really enjoys exploring the complexity of justin's characterisation, and his relationship with bryce (and jessica). both are so tragic but so interesting, so just don't mind me crying.  
> Anyway, this is five little one shots throughout justin's life where he went to bryce for help, and one of which where he was without bryce and found other avenues of escape from his home life.  
> So, enjoy, please read, please review. i live for feedback. i'm... thirsty for it, you could say.

Sitting on the bench by the carpool area, Justin sat beside Bryce, hugging his knees to his chest as his eyes darted around the schoolyard. Bryce sat perfectly still, he watched the cars as they drove past, waiting for Marissa to drive through. He always complained to Justin about how Marissa was too early, she never gave him a chance to talk to his friends. Hearing that, Justin would always shrug, nod along that he knew just what Bryce meant, when really he couldn’t even imagine. His mother was always late to pick him up from somewhere, if she ever came at all. Now he took the bus. He got to decide where he went and when. He got to decide if even went home at all. And today, of all days, he dreaded going home.

Every time he ran away, an adult would always find him wandering the streets, sleeping somewhere he shouldn’t be or going inside somewhere he wasn’t allowed. They always took him back home, and if his mother answered the door she would yell, and she would cry. She would bring her son inside and she would lecture him, this eight year old boy, on how he made her a bad mother, how he ruined her life. So he would nod, he would apologise, and he would lock himself in his room until next time. Until he was older. Until he could wander the streets alone and no one would find him and take him back home.

“What’s wrong?” Bryce asked him. “You’re kinda quiet today. I mean, you always are but you haven’t even laughed at my jokes.” Justin shrugged.

“Sorry,” he muttered, “I just don’t want to go home.” Bryce turned to face him, his brow crumpled and his head turned to one side.

“Why?” Justin looked at his friend, his only friend, watching the look of curiosity in his eyes, the innocence and the intelligence. He shrugged.

“I just don’t like it there.” Bryce’s gaze darted over his friend’s face.

“Why not?” Justin slouched on the bench, his head hung, he remained silent. Bryce looked around the schoolyard, then his face brightened with a smile. “You can come home with me. We can just call your mom, and you can stay at mine. I’m sure Marissa will say yes. She loves to cook for strangers.” Glancing over at Bryce, Justin’s expression lifted and he almost smiled.

“Really? Are you–are you sure?” Bryce insisted with a nod.

“Yeah. I mean, you can come over any time. My parents don’t care.” Justin’s smile fell, but he wasn't any less relieved.

“My parents don’t care either,” he said, but he didn’t think it was the same.

* * *

Justin stepped up to the polished wooden door, he wasn’t sure if he should knock, or text Bryce first. He stood there contemplating, his fist hovering over the door as though he was about to knock. Shrugging his shoulders, the heavy school bag on his back weighed down until it was almost too painful. With a sigh, finally pushing aside his fears, he knocked on the door. Justin stared at his feet as he waited, listening for footsteps inside the large echoing house. Bryce always said it felt so lonely inside, but Justin would take lonely over abusive any day. He had always thought that was what had brought the two of them together, Bryce’s loneliness, his desire for someone to want him around, and Justin’s trauma, his need to have one person in his life that he could depend on.

The door opened and Justin looked up. Mrs Walker stood there, her eyes narrowed, as they darted between him and the front lawn. He wasn’t sure what she was looking for but it almost felt like she was looking through him, like he wasn’t there, just a shadow on the doorstep and she was searching for who had knocked.

“Bryce isn’t here,” Nora said, her voice was empty, without feeling, “he won’t be home for another hour. He and his father are out doing God knows what at some golf course.” Justin stared up at her.

“Golfing?” He asked, and she sighed.

“Probably.” Her cold demeanour scared him, so he tried to be polite.

“I’m sorry, Mrs Walker. I can go, if you’d like. I just–“

“Did you walk here?” She asked. “All by yourself?” He nodded, not wanting to meet her eyes.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. Bryce told me I could come by if I ever needed to. I’m really sorry, Mrs Walker. I’ll go, I promise.” He turned to leave but Nora stopped him.

“Justin,” she said, “would you like to come inside and wait for Bryce?” He turned back to face her, his eyes searching her expression. Bryce liked to tell him how his mom was abusive too, she was always so cold and calculating. Justin looked for a deeper meaning, some tell that she would want to hurt him, that she was trying to manipulate him, or punish him for leaving his home and showing up here unannounced. He found none. “The maid can make you some food, if you’re hungry.” At that he refused to say no.

“Thank you, Mrs Walker,” he tried to smile and be polite, “I’m really hungry, actually.” She did her best to share the smile, opening the door to welcome him inside, but he was so used to seeing her scowl, she looked like a completely different person.

“I can tell. You’re so small, I wonder if you ever eat.” He did his best to laugh politely at what he assumed was a joke, lest she find out that no, he rarely did eat. His mother had always warned him not to complain about a lack of food, the mean men she brought home, the unwashed clothing, the lack of money. She said, if he complained, it made her look like a bad mother, and she wasn't a bad mother. It wasn’t her fault. She said, if he told someone then he would be left all alone. The world doesn’t want to help people like us, she would say, it wants to punish us for being the way we are.

“Thank you,” he said again, hoping she heard it. Nora nodded, walking him through the house and into the kitchen. His eyes darted around the perfectly white and tidy kitchen, he looked for somewhere to stand that wouldn’t intrude. She looked through the pantry, then the cupboards for something, he wasn’t sure what.

“Can I ask why you dropped by?” Her head was stuck inside the fridge, looking around for something he could eat. He stood by the bench, staring around the room to keep himself busy, and to make sure he wasn’t being a burden on her.

“I was just… out for a walk,” he lied. Perplexed, she stood up.

“An eleven year old just out for a walk at 5 o’clock on a school night. Does your mother know you’re here?” He nodded, though it was furthest from the truth.

“Yeah, I let her know.” He thought back to the note he had abruptly left beside her bed for when she woke up.

Hi Mom. No Food. Went to Bryce’s. Will be back tomorrow - Luv Justin

He had never really been sure of what to do when his mom blacked out. This was the worst it had ever been. Usually there was food he could eat, or some money he could use to get some food from somewhere. This time she left him nothing. She was unconscious earlier than she had ever been, at 3pm on a school night, and Justin hadn’t eaten anything all day. He knew why she was like this though. His step dad had said it last night, his mom was fucked up, she was unloveable just like her son, and so he left them behind, and his mom took it harder than she had taken any break up over the last eleven years of Justin’s life. He was scared for her, and for himself. He did love her and he didn’t want her to be sad. So he went to Bryce’s, to give her space, but also so he could eat and sleep somewhere for the night, and Bryce wouldn’t ask too many questions. Was that love, or was he being selfish?

* * *

The waiting room in the police station was cold. Hugging his knees to his chest, Justin sat quietly. He watched the officers and detectives walking around the station with such purpose that he wondered what they were looking for. He felt their eyes on him. A 13 year old boy sitting in the middle of the police station, his pyjamas dirty and his hair barely brushed from being woken up in the middle of the night and driven into town by the police. There was no one else at home, other than his mom, so he had to go with her when she got arrested. Tiredly, he rested his head on his knees, hoping he could just fall asleep there and wake up in the morning when his mom was released. He couldn't though. A policewoman came over to him, she kneeled before the chair he sat in.

“Your mom is gonna be in here for a while,” she told him as kindly as she could, “but we can’t keep you here all night.” He nodded that he understood. “Do you have a dad? A grandparent? Anyone who you could stay with tonight?” He tried to think of someone but he couldn’t.

“I don’t have a dad,” he said. “And I don’t have grandparents.” The officer frowned.

“Do you have any friends who could help you out?” He nodded.

“Yeah, I have someone.” He was afraid to meet her eyes. “Can I call him though? To, um, explain?” She nodded, and he looked up momentarily to see it. “Thank you.”

“Do you know his phone number? Or his mom’s number?” Justin nodded.

“Yeah, I know it.” She beckoned him to stand with her, and walked him over to the office desk where she gave him a handheld phone.

“Can you use this?” He nodded again. She kneeled to his height again and gave him a kind smile. “What’s your name?” She asked.

“Justin,” he answered innocently. She kept her smile.

“Justin, can I ask you some quick questions first?” He nodded, looking at the floor.

“Do you know what drugs are?” She asked cautiously. He nodded. Yeah, he knew what they were. He wished he didn’t. “And have you seen your mom take any?” He froze then. Did he tell the truth? Or did he lie? If he was honest he may never see his mom again, and if he lied life went on as expected. The answer was obvious.

“No,” he said. The officer watched him give the one word answer, avoiding her eyes as he stood nervously.

“And are you happy at home?” He shrugged.

“Sometimes.” His eyes darted around the room. “Is my mom okay?” Her smile tightened, it was polite, reassuring. He wondered if they would address him like this when he was older, he doubted they would.

“Yeah, she’s fine. Nothing for you to worry about.” She tapped the phone in his hand. “I’ll let you call your friend. And I’ll be right here waiting for you. If it doesn't work out we’ll find other alternatives, I promise.” He nodded.

“Thank you.” He quickly put the numbers in for Bryce’s house phone, and hoped the maid would be awake to answer it. The police woman gave him one last smile.

“You’re very polite for a teenaged boy. My son will barely say please when he asks for dinner.” Truth was, it was fear. He was afraid of the consequences if he didn’t say it. The officer shrugged. “Your mother obviously did _something_ right.” That, Justin thought, or something very wrong.

He put the phone to his ear and listened to it ring. He studied the paved ground in the station, thinking about how painful it would be to be tackled by an officer inside. He had seen a man with a gun outside his home get tackled last night, and he hoped that would never be him.

“Hello,” he knew that voice, it was Marissa.

“Hi,” he said quietly, “it’s Justin, um, Bryce’s friend. Is he awake?” Marissa chuckled.

“I know who you are, Justin. I’ll find him for you. How are you, love?” He wanted to smile.

“I’m…good. Thank you.” He stared around the station, waiting for her to pass the phone on.

“Here,” she said, “Good night.” She passed the phone on and Justin waited for Bryce’s answer.

“Hey, what’s up? It’s like almost 12 dude, what’s wrong?” Justin stared at his feet.

“Bryce, I need your help. I was asleep, and then the police knocked on the door and they took me, and my mom. I’m at the police station. I… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Bryce said. “Do you need to be picked up, or…”

“Yeah, they told me to call you.” He heard Bryce start to stand up and wander through his house. He listened to the conversation between him and his father.

“Dad, can we take a trip to the station? It’s Justin. His mom got arrested and she needs to get out. Or, bring him over.”

“He’s there now?” Mr Walker clarified.

“Yeah.” Justin didn't hear Mr Walker’s response, instead he got Bryce’s retelling. “My dad says he’s gonna pick you up.”

“Thank you,” Justin said.

“He also says he’ll bring your mom bail money. What’d she get busted for?” Justin sighed.

“Possession, I think.” There was quiet on the other end as Bryce told his dad.

“Yeah, he says he’ll bail her out.” With a breath of relief, Justin smiled.

“Thank you, again. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m always here for you. You’re like my brother.” Then he frowned. Maybe his mom didn't love him, but at least someone did.

* * *

“Your mom fucked up?” Justin shook his head.

“Nah. I just need a distraction.” He walked into the outhouse, collapsing onto the couch with a sigh.

“What’s wrong?” Bryce asked. Not looking at him, Justin frowned.

“Kat broke up with me. She’s moving. And I’m just…” he sighed again.

“I warned you, you idiot,” Bryce laughed, “I said, don’t date her, she’s a bitch.” Justin scowled.

“Dude, shut up.” Bryce pouted sarcastically, waving half a bottle of vodka in his face.

“Aw,” he teased, “you’re sad because you got your heart broken. Fuck off with that shit. You don’t need her. Girls come and go for you, who even cares.” Justin grabbed the bottle from his hands and took a sip.

“Fuck, you know I hate vodka.” Bryce shrugged, collapsing beside him on the couch.

“Yeah, but it’s all my dad had lying around, he won’t notice we’ve been drinking it, and it gets us drunk easy enough.” Justin took another sip, he coughed.

“Whatever,” he handed the bottle to Bryce, “don’t you, like, have any weed? I’d rather get high than confront all my issues with alcohol.” Bryce laughed.

“You fucking sound like your mom.” He nudged Justin’s shoulder. “How’s she doing, anyway?” Justin shrugged.

“Some days are better than others. She’s started dating this asshole, Seth, and he’s fucking awful.” He picked up the remote off of the coffee table.

“That why you’re here? Cause of, what, Seth?” Justin looked at Bryce from the corner of his eye.

“Nah, it’s Kat. I just can’t believe she’s moving. And when she said goodbye, it was like, I didn’t even matter.” Bryce punched his arm.

“You sound like a fucking girl. If I wanted to talk about feelings, I’d go call my girlfriend.” Justin scowled again.

“Bryce, you don’t have a girlfriend.” Bryce rolled his eyes.

“Shut the fuck up,” he muttered. “Come on, you dated like, four girls before Kat? What’s the problem? Three of them dumped you without a second thought, and the last one you dumped for Kat.” Picking up the video game controllers, Justin handed one to Bryce.

“I didn’t dump her for Kat. Is that what you think?” Bryce scoffed.

“Dude, that’s what everyone thinks.” He looked over at Justin sitting beside him. “Look, I’m sorry. I’ve just never seen you like this. Don’t tell me you actually liked her?” Justin didn’t respond. Bryce threw his head back with a laugh. “Dude! You need to stop getting involved with girls, like fucking emotionally, leave that shit until you’re like a senior. Kat was a bitch, anyway.” Justin shrugged.

“She _wasn’t_ a bitch,” he argued but it was useless, “she just didn't like you.”

“Which makes her a bitch! How is this hard for you to understand. Come back and ask me next week when you’re not on your period.” Justin punched him in the arm

“Fuck off. This would be so much easier if I was high.” Bryce chuckled to himself.

“You’re such a fucking stoner.” Justin huffed.

“Can we talk about anything else?” Bryce nodded, pressing start on the game and waiting for it to begin.

“There’s a party tomorrow night. Some of the cheer girls are hosting. Should be fun. You wanna go?” Justin shrugged.

“What else am I gonna do?” Bryce smirked.

“Nothing with that attitude. We gotta find you another bitch.” Justin scowled.

“She wasn’t a bitch!”

“Whatever… press play.”

* * *

The library was quiet. Only two other tables were being used by other people sitting alone, just like he was. He circled the answer 5 on the page, and flicked to the back page to check the answers. It was a 7. With a frustrated sigh, he put his head in his hands. The bruise on his cheek hurt from last night when he broke up a fight between his mom and her boyfriend, he had taken the hit for her and managed to lie well enough to people and say he was in a fight with one of the guys. Still, he was nervous to go home tonight. Seth was still there, and he hated Seth more than most of his mom’s boyfriends. With Bryce gone on summer vacation, and Zach busy with his family. He had nowhere to go other than home. He was lonely again when he needed his friends the most.

“Hey,” he looked up at the girl standing on the other side of the table. She pointed to herself, “Jessica,” she introduced. He almost laughed.

“Yeah, I know,” he told her and she smiled as though it were a joke.

“Where are your friends?” He gestured to the empty seats beside him with a smile.

“They’re here, just invisible is all.” She gave him a small laugh.

“No, really,” she pressed, holding her books tighter to her chest.

“Uh,” he looked from the question on the page up at Jessica. “They’re all out of town for the summer, or they’re just avoiding me because they all want to hang out and I’m here.” She put her books down beside him at the table.

“That sucks, but why are you here?” She pulled the seat out beside him and sat down.

“Failing two different types of maths. What about you?” She pressed her lips together and shrugged.

“My dad is away for the summer and he made me sign up so I don’t get into any trouble while he’s away,” they both laughed, “he doesn’t trust me after the formal.”

“Oh,” he leaned back in his chair, covering his mouth as he laughed. “Shit. I’m so sorry about that. My head fucking killed the next morning.” She laughed with him.

“Don’t be,” she smiled and he couldn’t stop looking at her, “I mean, my head hurt too. I’d never drank that much before.” Her eyes were so full of life and joy, and when she smiled so did he. “I didn’t know school dances could actually be… fun.” He shrugged his shoulders.

“They can be, if you hang around the right people.” To that she nodded. She pointed at the book he was leaning over.

“Geometry?” With an overly dramatic sigh, he nodded. “I feel that,” she said with a laugh. She looked around the near empty library. “I’m really good at maths,” she said, “my dad tutored me when I was younger and now I’m like gifted so if you ever want help, I’m around all summer.” He watched her face to see if she was just kidding. She was serious.

“Fuck, for real? Jessica, that’d be fucking great. Thank you. If I don’t pass at least one of these maths classes I can’t play basketball next season.” She shrugged.

“Of course. And, you can just call me Jess.” He smiled.

“Thanks Jess.” She was nodding at him, and he noticed that she hadn’t even bothered to open her books, or look at them at all throughout the conversation. She leaned back in her chair, stretching her legs out under the table. She looked at him curiously, her eyes scanning his face.

“What happened to your face? Your cheek is bruised.” He unconsciously lifted a hand up to his cheek, lightly scratching the bruise. He shrugged, playing it off cool.

“Just a fight,” he told her. She didn’t look like she believed him.

“You seem to get into a lot of fights,” she said. Her eyes were still scanning the bruise. He watched the way her eyes focused, he almost thought she might reach out and touch his cheek. Deep down maybe he wanted her to. It was silent between them until she broke it with a sigh. “Are you done for the day?”

“Yeah, I’m just hanging around. I don't really feel like going home right now.” She chuckled.

“I get that,” she agreed. She watched him for a moment, deciding if she was going to say what she wanted to. “Um,” she drawled, “I’m going to Monet’s for a hot chocolate,” she said and he gave her a joking smile.

“It’s summer,” she smiled and shrugged. “You should have an iced chocolate. That’s a summer drink.” Pressing her lips together, she cocked her head to the side.

“Well, did you wanna go to Monet’s with me. They, uh, have ice cream? And I kinda feel like ice cream.” She looked at her feet for a second then back at him. “Besides, I came over here to tell you that you look lonely, and ice cream is the perfect cure for loneliness.” He tried not to smile at the thoughtfulness. At how pretty she was, how he was happy she had asked him this because he had wanted to ask her out for weeks.

“Are you asking me out?” She shrugged, her smile gave it away.

“Maybe. If you say yes, then I am. If you say no, then… it’s totally a joke.” He laughed.

“You’ve got balls, Jessica Davis.” She bit her lip and nodded, she still smiled.

“Yeah I fucking do.” She made a V with her arm and rested her chin on her knuckles, looking right at him. “So your answer?” He smiled wider than he had for the whole conversation.

“Shit, yeah.” He leaned in close to her. “I mean, if you hadn’t asked by the end of this conversation, I sure would have.” She blushed, and cocked her head to the side.

“Don’t bother bringing your geometry book, we won’t be doing any homework,” she winked at him. He played along with her joke and looked into her eyes.

“Unless it’s chemistry?” She stifled a laugh, her smile widening. He didn’t stop staring at her, he never wanted to stop. Jessica Davis was the first girl to see how sad he really was and not run away. That meant she was pretty fucking great.


End file.
